The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
