yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
