You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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