don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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