Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
