She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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