After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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