i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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