No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
