dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
