Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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