you would pick up someone in the library
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize