Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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