now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
