I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
