You smell like a Billy Joel song
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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