Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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