Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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