I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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