why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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