ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
