I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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