At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
