She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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