We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
