so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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