Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want nice things and good sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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