sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
