Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
