i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
