if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
