he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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