He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
