did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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