I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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