Just fell off a train. Bad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
