Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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