I think im going to throw up on grandma
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
