Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
