hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
