just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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