I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize