the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
