I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
