not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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