She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
