When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
