Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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