When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
