How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
