We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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