sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
