If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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