Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
