if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize