last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
