just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
