i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
