If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
