I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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